This Team Will Self-Destruct In Five Seconds

'The mission, should you decide to accept it, is to infiltrate a national football squad of your choosing, and render them next to useless.'

Unfortunately, this mission seems to be not so much impossible, but ridiculously easy. France, England, even Italy have all imploded at this World Cup Finals.

By far the best example, though, is France. The players have long been dissatisfied with coach Raymond Domenech and are doing their best to show it at every opportunity, although I do think calling him a 'son of a whore' (as Nicolas Anelka was reported to have done) is putting things a little strongly.

Domenech has been completely undermined by both his players - who refused to train yesterday - and by the French FA, who announced his replacement even before the World Cup started.

England, too, are doing a good job of sabotaging themselves too and I bet they offer themselves as some kind of sacrifice on the altar of martyrdom. John Terry's press conference yesterday suggested that player power was about to save the day and that Fabio would just have to lump it. This lasted for, ooh, nearly twenty minutes until one of Fabio's coaching staff told Terry that there would be no 'clear the air meeting'. The other players bottled it too.

Expect both France and England to go out in the first round. The players will only have themselves to blame.