Get Your Hair Cut, You 'Orrible Oik

In a move that should be imitated by all teams in the World Cup Finals, Iran have told their players that any footballer who turns up looking too vain, with tinted hair or plucked eyebrows, will immediately be dropped from the squad.

Can you imagine the carnage among some of the more image obsessed football nations if this ruling really did apply to all teams. No Beckham, no Totti, no Cisse, no David James. No David James ? Quick....make it an official FIFA rule now !

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