Highlights So Far

Did anyone else see North Korea's press conference on Monday? For me this has been the highlight of the World Cup so far because, Germany aside, the standard of the matches has been dismal.

It started with a question from a journalist about North Korea.

The response from coach Kim Jong-hun? :

"There's no such country named North Korea.’ Next question."

And it got better. When questioned about naming a striker as the third goalkeeper, Kim Jong-hun tried to claim that the player - Kim Myong-Won - had originally been a goalkeeper and that he decided that he wanted to be a goalkeeper again just before the World Cup Finals.

However, a Guardian journalist who saw them train confirmed that only two players were wearing the goalkeeper's jerseys, while Myong-Won was wearing the same strip as the rest of the outfield players.

I wonder what the 'fearless leader' would have made of that.

What D'Ya Think Of It So Far?

Legendary British comedians Morecambe and Wise used to have a running gag that went something like this:

Ernie Wise (talking about the show): 'So, what do you think of it so far?'
Eric Morecambe: 'Rubbish!'.

And, frankly, that's how I feel about the 2010 World Cup Finals so far. I'm writing this before Italy play Paraguay, but so far only the opener between South Africa and Mexico and last night's demolition of Australia by Germany have really entertained.

Most of the football so far has been dour, lacking in either technical skill or entertainment value. The non-contest between South Korea and Greece has been the ultimate example of this, but France v Uruguay wasn't far behind.

Surely, when international teams reach the pinnacle of their aspirations, they could at least contrive to play like it.

Anyway, that's my opinion. I'd be interested in hearing yours.

Don't Travel To The World Cup...It's Dangerous!

It's hardly surprising, I admit, but the United States government are paranoid. Presumably, it's because they know someone is genuinely out to get them.

Anyway, this paranoia has prompted the US State Department to issue a travel warning to American citizens thinking of travelling to the 2010 World Cup Finals in South Africa.

"There is a heightened risk that extremist groups will conduct terrorist acts within South Africa in the near future," they said.

The State Department statement (as it were) went on to add that there was 'no information on any specific, credible threat during the tournament'; which leads me to ask: why bother scaring the hell out of your native soccer fans in the first place.

Earthquakes, Budget Airlines and Zulus

I don't know if you saw this, frankly ludicrous story in the Daily Star last month? I somehow missed it, which is a shame, because I would have ridiculed it at length on this very blog.

Basically, the gist of it is that there's going to be an earthquake during the 2010 World Cup Final in South Africa.

However, close reading of the story suggests that, well, there isn't going to be an earthquake during the World Cup Finals.

What the Star have done is taken a prediction by Dr Chris Hartnady, who says it is "inevitable" there will be a major earthquake in Southern Africa, and somehow contrived to sensationalise this into a 'world cup in peril' story.

The fact that Dr Hartnady never mentions the World Cup or even the year 2010 and the fact that the last major earthquake in the country was in 1890 is somehow overlooked.

Anyway, the reason I bring up this, er, extremely well researched and responsible piece of journalism now is this. Budget South African airline Kulula have used the article to drum up some trade for their airline with this publicity stunt and advert. Good on 'em.

It's The Magic Wot Won It

It's very easy to fall back into lazy racial stereotypes, particularly when dealing with African nations.

However, the fact is that there are still many thousands of people on that continent who believe in the 'old ways' and that includes magic and voodoo.

Now, we might very well suspect that host nation South Africa has literally no chance at the 2010 World Cup Finals but, luckily, they have a secret weapon up their sleeves in the form of a bark called 'Impephu'.

Apparently, Impephu purifies the body aof harmful influences, thereby making you invincible. Which must be nice.

However, it does this by making you vomit a lot. Which is, er, not so nice.

Unfortunately FIFA have referred Impephu to the World Anti-Doping Agency, who will no doubt discover that it is, well, bark and - I don't want this to shock you - doesn't actually make you invincible at all.

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Sepp Blatter and A Brave New World

2010WorldCupOnline wants to know why two South American countries seem to be playing in North America.

It's a good point. The answer, of course, is for the same reason that Australia has moved to Asia and Israel to Europe. Football, it's the world game, but just not the world as we know it. Maybe it's the world as FIFA president Sepp Blatter wants it to be.

And speaking of the always, er, interesting Mr Blatter. I couldn't help but enjoy his comments that John Terry's affair would have been "applauded" in Latin countries.

This is just the latest in, I don't know, hundreds of stupid things Blatter has said down the years.

My all time favourite is this:

"There are gay footballers, but they don’t declare it because it will not be accepted in these macho organisations. Look at women’s football – homosexuality is more popular there.”

There's loads more but I just bring myself to post them.

I'm Going Into The Hotel Business

Would it be possible, do you think, to build twenty or so hotels in nine months? How long does building a hotel actually take, because if I could do it, then I would.

I figure that if I can get 20 hotels open in nine months, that will leave me three months to market them to the hundreds of thousands of football fans that will be coming to the 2010 World Cup.

Y'see, right now there's a slight problem. Durban, one of the host cities for the finals, doesn't even have enough hotel space to accommodate rugby fans for the first test of the British and Irish Lions tour. So, it's damn sure not going to have enough space to accommodate all those football fans in a year's time.

So, it's time to get into the hotel business.

Security, What Security

OK, so Barack Obama is going to attend the opening ceremony of the 2010 World Cup Finals. Nice of Sepp Blatter to announce this way, way in advance, so that security - already a contentious issue for these finals - can be compromised still further.

And it gives any potential terrorist plenty of time to put a plan in place. Good thinking, Mr Blatter. I for one am in awe of your great generosity of spirit.

Ever Seen Anything Like This...No, Didn't Think So

With a tip of the hat to the marvelous Football365 people, here's a - quite literally - Lazarus like resurrection from a footballer.

Admittedly, this has nothing to do with World Cup football, but how often do you get to see a professional footballer (albeit a lower league Belgian player) suffer cardiac arrest and then be revived by an internally implanted defibrilator.

I know this is prurient to the point of being perverse, but here's the video :

You've Got To Admire This..Buy This Flat

With South Africa 2010 fast approaching and endless, tiresome commercial tie-ups being announced, you just have to love the fact that smart South Africans are getting in on the act.

Take this ad on Gumtree that presents itself, shamelessly, as a South Africa Investment Opportunity World Cup 2010 .

Essentially, it's a fairly plain looking 2 bedroom flat in Cape Town that is 4 or so miles from the Greenpoint Stadium. The owner wants around £60,000 for it.

I haven't checked apartment prices in Cape Town for a comparison but frankly, just the fact that the owner is trying to sell it as an 'investment opportunity' for the World Cup Finals is good enough for me.

There's no way of recouping anywhere near the initial outlay over the period of the 2010 tournament, but whoever owns this property deserves to sell it...just for the sheer nerve of it all.

That's That Big Ol' Soccer Tournament, Right?

Americans are a funny lot. Not funny ha, ha. Weird. Strange. And apparently they don't like football very much. Or foreigners. Or anything that isn't American.

At least that's the popular impression of our, um, cousins across the pond. So if all this is true, why is it that more tickets for the South Africa 2010 World Cup have been bought by Americans than by anyone else.

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Roll on World Cup 2010

I haven't posted here in a while. Mainly because, um, there's been nothing to post about : no World Cup football action. But I have been watching the Euro 2008 qualifiers and, um, well, it's not been very good, has it.

England, in particular, have been dreadful and my prediction (on the day the qualifying groups were announced) that Russia and Croatia would qualify is looking more likely with each passing day.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to when the European Championships are finished and we can get back to the proper football. Roll on World Cup 2010.